And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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