She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
