Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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