Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
