i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
