hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
