And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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