We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
