I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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