it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
