I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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