Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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