Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
