I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
