Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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