The maid of honor just puked.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
