I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
