does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
