she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
