She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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