Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
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I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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