I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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