i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
