THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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