i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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