I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
