And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
