Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
