Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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