the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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