you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
