remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
