bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
