Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
