Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
