My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
