Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
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i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
vagina is talking i cant
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
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I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.