Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable