mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
