i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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