You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
