I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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