i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
