It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
