so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
