the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Someone signed my nipple.
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