While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
