so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
