therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
