THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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