I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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