I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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