He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
