i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You're like the curious george of whores
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Text me some of your sweat
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