I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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