why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
