So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
