I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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