So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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