Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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