tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i've created a new STD.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
