so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
