this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
try to milk me bitch
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