So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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