Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
