shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
