Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i would punch a child for taco bell
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
