the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
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I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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