I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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