He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
