i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
