My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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