You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
