"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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