I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
