walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
