Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
