i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
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my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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