So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
