Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
