I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
