You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
