I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
