he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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