Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
