So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
