if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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