I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There's even glitter on my cock...
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