So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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